Author: Chloe Je - Sierra Vista Middle School
A challenge that we, as humans, face on a day-to-day basis is apologizing to others. Whether it's for a small mistake or a large argument, saying a sincere ‘sorry’ can be the hardest thing to do. Why does it seem so difficult to apologize, and what can you do to create a good one?
Many people seem to have a hard time in general creating a good apology. This counts on the fact that we are social creatures and care about others' opinions. When we find ourselves in a position where we are at fault, usually our immediate reaction is to defend ourselves. We try to protect this good image we have built for the other person, and admitting fault can feel like you’re tarnishing it. We often want to defend ourselves and disassociate from the problem. By doubling down, it can feel like we are avoiding the possible shame that could follow.
Another thing is that we may be nervous about the outcome, especially if there is someone we care about involved. The possibility of punishment, embarrassment, or even just disappointing the other person can deter one from giving an apology. In these scenarios, you have to remember that apologizing may not be easy, but it is the correct thing to do. However, even if you do apologize, you have to craft an appropriate apology, as just the words “I’m sorry” don’t always address the whole situation.
The science of creating a perfect apology is not a single phrase or a certain sentence structure. Often, it is based on intuition and can change depending on the situation, the amount of harm done, and the person you are speaking to. Though there are many variables, thankfully, there are a couple of common threads between good apologies and bad ones.
The main point in apologizing is to address what you did wrong. This can often also be the hardest thing as it directly puts you under the spotlight. However, admitting your mistake can help the other person see that you understand the harm you have inflicted upon them. Another thing is not to defend yourself. By adding words like “but” and “although” it can change the conversation from an apology to just a defense. This is not recommended, as the apology now is directed at you when it should be addressing the victim. The last thing is the offer of repair. After addressing what you did wrong, you can now make amends and create plans to make sure you never hurt the person in such a way again.
Yes, it may be hard to admit your fault at times, but apologizing is a key part of maintaining a healthy relationship with your friends, family, and other acquaintances. Nobody is perfect, and mistakes always happen, but the important thing is to own up to your faults and make amends.
The Korea Daily Youth Program
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